I was sexually assaulted 10 years ago while I was sleeping, apparently as a practical joke.

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• thank you for the links and being so nice about this. i hate myself for not doing anything then. at the time, i didn't understand the spectrum of consent and rape laws. at the time i didn't call it rape but i definitely felt very violated. i have so much rage against the ex-boyfriend - for real. i cry, feel panicked, fantasize about beating him up. i had terrible self esteem back then and i've worked so hard to make something of myself....i am graduating from a top ten law school this year, at the top of my class. and those clowns have literally not changed in the slightest since high school. but, every few years or so, i get a contact from him, always bringing this stuff up. i hate that i want an apology from him. all the men who have commented here are clearly not "on my side" so to speak. they are saying its not a "big deal," "you made a mistake," "why are you so angry about something your not sure happened." i really am starting to feel that men in general just don't get it. it makes me really sad to think that i could never tell future husband about this because he would think less of me like they do. i am so humiliated by this. it set the stage for many abusive relationships to follow. sorry im ranting but you seem to understand how i feel.

  

  by anonymous on January 28th, 2012

• Jonsie84: you are most welcome. At least you could get a deeper insight into the legal aspects if you are studying law.
  Take care.

  

  by iwnit on January 28th, 2012

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• When I confronted the ex-boyfriend, I said "when you get raped, come tell me how it feels." I was very explicit about it. He said nothing. I just don't understand why, if it didn't actually happen, he would not defent himself. They also did this to another girl somtime after it happened. I was in denial, but they kept reminding me. I don't understand how people can feel themselves entitled to violate someone like that. It just really upsets me.

  

  by anonymous on January 28th, 2012

• ...seriously, i thought for sure, for so long it didn't happen...but, at this point, someone involved would have told me. when i freaked out on the "ex" he initially said "wow. you are really upset...i was 18 years old...well, if you can't get over it then...[silence]." That seems so obviously an admission. the guy with mental disabilities also never denied it...i mean, i don't even think that guy has the intellectual capacity to lie. i really, so badly wanted this not to be true too. wouldn't you be angry if this happened to you. i was hesitate to post anything because i was afraid that the men on here would almost defend those guys. it turns out to be true. it just really sucks that to be judged like that and keep this a secret, if i ever want to have a relationship with a man.

  

  by anonymous on January 28th, 2012

• ...so basically, no matter how easy it is to take advantage of someone, its ok to sexually exploit them? therefore, it is my fault because i made mistakes? is that what your saying. and, no, i am not now just accepting this and angry. i have been minimizing what happened for years, and disassociating myself from the event. i just am now putting a label on it, calling it what it was, and wanting the person responsible to take responsibility. i know that an apology is out of my control. i never moved on...i have always been ashamed and humilitated by this...you misunderstand my post. and honestly, like i told someone else, please dont post comments if you are going to invoke stereotypes of girls "asking" for it because they dress slutty, drink too much, etc. this has caused me a lot of pain and its just not ok for you to blatantly say i was partially responsible. rape is not ok. it is wrong, regardless of how much "respect" you have for the other person. whoever raped you is a pig and should be in jail. i would never, ever say that to a rape survivor. my story is very different from the typical rape story. i always felt violated but never wanted to believe what it really was. over time ive had flashbacks about what happened when i was sleeping.

  

  by anonymous on January 28th, 2012

• ...furthermore, i made a lot of mistakes when i was a teenager. i was going through a rough time...my parents were alcoholics and not working...i always had a job...and guys i got involved with treated me like shit...its easy for you to throw rocks from your glass house....you make a lot of assumptions about me without even thinking that maybe this person was 16 years old, maybe she was going through a hard time, maybe its not fair to hold her to a standard that you would normally to a 26 year. please, please, please. i am really upset by your comments. don't say anything more because it seems like you want to hurt me...why would you have a "problem" with anything that people put on this site. i thought this was about getting advice and helping people.

  

  by anonymous on January 28th, 2012

• you know what, this is why i held it in for so many years and never confronted it....i knew people would blame me for what happened, judge me, etc....nothing i did to better my life, i.e. go to law, would make them think any differently about me. trust me, i have had my fair share of judgments from other people. i didn't post this to be judged - especially by you. honestly, i'm a little taken back by your post and comment...i now really regret doing this..i really hope i don't get a barrage of comments telling me "you are partially responsible" "quit whining" "wtf? its been 10 years, who cares"...i really hope people never said those cruel things to you when you were victimized

  

  by anonymous on January 28th, 2012

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• it was a big deal. i dissasociated myself from the trauma, that's why i am just not dealing with it. what mistake are you referring too? it is fair that a group of guys get together and gang-up on one girl, all for the sake of humiliation? I'm not building it up in my mind. For years I tried minimized what had happened. I told myself it wasn't a big deal. But I can't lie to myself anymore. That is rape. I don't think you know what its like to be violated like that. So please don't comment if your going to invoke stereotypes about girls "asking" for it, or tell me to be grateful that I didn't get pregnant and/or STD. You are trivializing this and that's the problem with society.

  

  by anonymous on January 28th, 2012

• what I got from the description in your question is that you didn't realize what actually happened until the following Monday when the boys started bragging because you were half-drunk and half-asleep, not that you dissociated during the experience and suppressed the memory ... what you're describing now in your comment is a little different, more like PTSD where a person has vivid flashbacks and relives an experience ... you were raped, no doubt about it, and I didn't mean to trivialize that ... what I was saying was stop dwelling on the past and stressing over something you weren't 100% sure even happened, but now, with the additional info you've given, that doesn't apply because you are sure it happened ... you probably should see a therapist or join a support group to help you work through this ... you need to talk to someone and get this off you chest, because if you keep it bottled inside it'll slowly turn into anger and resentment and hatred and eat you up inside ... and I never said you were "asking for it" ... you got yourself into a situation that turned out bad, and you didn't realize or expect that getting drunk with a group of guys would turn out the way it did, but it did, and that was a "mistake" or an "error in judgement" or whatever you want to call it ... I'm not judging, but you do have to admit that most 16 year old girls don't get drunk and spend the night at a boyfriend's house

  

  by Tom Slick on January 28th, 2012

• i didn't know what had happened until the following monday. when i heard about it, i just blaked out. the thought never came up until i was reminded of it, and even then, i just quickly disassociated from the discussion.

  

  by anonymous on January 28th, 2012

• the ex-boyfriend, who contacted me recently, failed to deny it...when i went into a rage, i said "when you get raped come tell me how it feels"...he responded "wow. you are really upset...i mean, i was 18 years old...well, if you cant forget about it"...i dont know, that seems like a clear admission...after hearing the word "rape" don't think he would have defended himself if it wasn't true?....i have a lot of rage over this and feel like i have to keep this a secret from every man i get involved with because they will judge me/think less of me/etc. etc.

  

  by anonymous on January 28th, 2012

• yes, most 16 year old girls who (1) don't have alcoholic parents, (2) have to work as a teenager, and (3) aren't getting berated by their peers on a constant basis for being a "slut." and young people make mistakes, and i have worked really hard to better myself. i put myself through college. i am graduating this year from a top ten law school at the top of my class....i dont deserve to be judged by something i did when i was 16, and furthermore, i have heard that from almost everybody...it must be very convenient to be a guy...bad behavior and sexual recklessness always go unpunished/unnoticed because some stupid girl made a stupid decision..im sorry but regardless of the situation and how easy it may be to take advantage of someone, it is morally wrong to exploit that person

  

  by anonymous on January 28th, 2012

• there's no question you were raped ... unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about it now anymore because too much time has passed ... even if there wasn't a statute of limitations, it would be your word against his ... not fair, but harsh reality ... and you're absolutely right, you shouldn't be judged by one incident that happened 10 years ago ... but maybe you're being a little too hard on yourself ... you've obviously accomplished a lot, and deserve to be proud of where you are in life, especially after the tough time you had growing up ... and I don't think you should feel like you have a "dirty little secret" that has to be kept from any man you get involved with ... you were sexually active at 16 ... so what ... lots of girls were ... that's all any new boyfriend might need to know, and certainly not all the gory details ... don't let that one incident define your life and who you are, you're much more than "rape victim" ... you need to come to peace with this, and that probably means talking to a therapist, not random strangers here ... and I'm even an M.D., but this is way out of my league

  

  by Tom Slick on January 28th, 2012

• thank you for the advicde

  

  by anonymous on January 28th, 2012

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• thank you for understanding. i was afraid that all the men on here would not understand and trivialize the matter. it really makes me sad that i could never tell a significant other about this, or other instances of sexual humiliation, without fear of being judged or ridiculed.

  

  by anonymous on January 28th, 2012